These Light Footsteps

“To those whom much is given, much is expected.”

This quote echoes through my being as I discuss potential changes in my life direction with my parents. Currently, it holds me back. Their opinion of what I am doing and how I measure up carries enormous weight. For it is true — they have given me so much and I should use the gifts that they have provided to create a meaningful life. But what if our definition of meaning is different? They seem more interested in titles, money, ensuring that I can live an American Dream…

What happens when my dream is so much different than theirs? Historically, it has led to a middle ground — I will succeed in the current system, but I will do it in my own way.

But these gifts: education, critical thinking skills, a desire to do what is right, an impetus toward spiritual growth…they have led to different realizations about the way that the world works and my place in it than what they had hoped. They want me to live the actions of these realizations “on the side”, as my hobbies, which is what I have been doing, but what if that is no longer enough? I need real skills, I need to create change, I need to feel free…and I don’t know if that’s possible in my current situation. Maybe “on the side” will be enough as I finish 3 more years of a PhD (isn’t 4 enough?) because maybe this degree will open more opportunities to bring about the change I wish to see, and the title is certainly appealing. But why is this even appealing? It’s just some ego-feeding nonsense that creates a false hierarchy in society. While having a PhD is a good indication that a person can work independently on a project and probably possesses a certain type of intelligence, it does not say anything about one’s character, moral outlook, and ability to perform intelligently in a variety of useful ways. Of course, this is not to say that this is always the case. I have just been surprised by the number of supposedly intelligent people (PhDs and the like) I have met that are not more inspired to create change in areas outside of work (and how much impact will our work actually have in the world at large?).

As I look at the world and all the new directions that could be taken to create a more sustainable way of life (and how urgently they are needed!), I have to wonder if my academic course is truly the best one to impart change. I began this path believing in the conservation and education mission of the zoo (or at least believing that these stated missions might be a possibility) and that I could learn the skills and get the qualifications I need to live my truth through this course of study. It seems that a more radical plan of action is needed…

Will I break free?

As night closes in on this first day with theselightfootsteps, I am unsure where this venture will take me. However, I feel optimistic about making some major life changes and using this venue as a way to share them.

I will use this blog as an outlet to connect with others who share my dream of living a life of balance (with nature, spirit, meaningful work, rest) and to provide support, guidance, education, and inspiration as I ponder what it means and how it is possible to break free from captivity.

What do I mean by “captivity”?

While I in no way mean to trivialize the situation of persons who truly live in confinement or inescapable situations, I have observed similar patterns of behavior and health problems in the animals I have watched as a zoo scientist and within our culture at large. Although many of us in the Western world are technically free to do as we choose, there are major institutional and psychological blocks that prevent us from living the lives that our hearts most desire. As I write this, I know that my calling is to live simply, to create the Earth of the post-oil age, and to share this dream and my love of nature with others. However, it is a serious struggle to take my first steps outside of the model that I have grown up with — what will it look like, what if it doesn’t work, how will I always make sure that my basic needs are met?

But what if I don’t?

Should I continue to live in a system that dictates my time and where I spend the majority of my life’s energy? Will I end up with the same chronic diseases of Western Civilization that we share with our ape relatives in zoos — diseases which are likely to be caused by improper diet, sedentary lifestyles, and stress that are the trademarks of “captivity”? Should I carry on in my current haze in hopes that my future will be better? Why don’t I begin living my authentic life this very moment?

And really, this is what we all need to do. People like to talk about the little changes we can do to make the world “greener” and to offset environmental catastrophes. Although behavioral modifications like recycling and switching to CFLs are good, I don’t think they will be enough. We really need to change the way we live and approach life — for the sake of the planet, our future as humans, and for our individual health and well-being.

This will not be an all-at-once affair for me, but I intend to take my commitment to living a more authentic, balanced life to the next level starting now. In the process, I’ll share some of the projects I’ve already begun, new ones that arise, and what other people are doing (especially locally around Cleveland, OH) to live alternatively and in ways that promote the health of our planet.